there was a girl named mary. she was going to bed but she heard something outside so she climbed out of her window she went in the forest she was scared she looked around she could see blood
then the vampires and zombies were chasing her
but she ran fast and she was saft.
Hi Eve, I like the way you have a good sequence in your story. It is very clear that this happened, then this, then this.. Your next step - to add detail about what happened. For example, What was mary like? young? old? what was she wearing? what was she doing there?
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